Monday, February 16, 2015

What do non-parents do at night?

As I sit here scrubbing pots and pans, picking up toys, running baths, defusing a temper tantrum, folding laundry, breaking up a fight, checking homework folders, picking out tomorrow’s clothes, and eventually sinking down in my favorite spot on the couch with a glass of wine {only to hear “mommmmmmmmyyyy” three minutes later} … I often wonder:

What do people who don’t have children do with their evenings?

My best friend is kidless.  She lives in her cutesy little duplex three minutes from the California coast and a short car ride to LAX.  Yes, Crys … I’m referring to you.

Here’s how our convo’s go, usually:

Me- Cash was bumped up to advanced reading AND advanced spelling but he totally sucks at Math.  Chris is a mini-genius who soaks in knowledge like a g.damn sponge but doesn’t slow down long enough to tell you any answers to logical questions. Cale has been working twelve-hour days lately so by the time I get the boys in bed, I’m way too tired for a glass of wine.  Tomorrow we have soccer practice and oh-my-gosh my parents are coming to town and I don’t know when I’m going to have time to clean my house.

Crystal- Have you been keeping up with The Walking Dead?  Nick and I went out for sushi the other night and I could NOT believe what happened!! And then we went to Malibu and rented a lambo to drive along the shore.

Me- You f’ing suck.  I hate you.

When you are 30-something years old, done with school, have a kick-ass job, but no kids … what does one do with one’s self when you come home for the day?  I TOTALLY don’t mean that in a disrespectful way!  I envy my best friend.  I know what she does at night.  She goes to the beach or the Hollywood hills and goes hiking.  She seriously lives THE LIFE, y’all.  I love her to death.  I live vicariously through her! She’s me in my dreams. Single or not single. If you are kid-less and live by a beach. You are living THE dream!
But what about people in like, Iowa.  I love you too Iowa.  I’m just saying.  You’re like Kansas but more corn. Or wheat? Or barley or something.

I’m just going to imagine this world for a minute… 
The hubs and I come home from work and don’t have to worry about little Johnny’s birthday party tomorrow.  Instead … we get to spend the money on {wait for it} – US!
We come home from work after a long day at the job of our dreams and we don’t have to watch The Lego Movie or Minecraft.  We can go out to eat if we wanted.  We can get shit-faced if we wanted.  We can go to a movie, a party, a club, hell … we could drive to Chicago for the night if we wanted to.  We could sit around eating take-out and binge watch “Orange is the New Black”.  We could have sex on the kitchen counters or the living room floor and not have any fear that a Lego piece will end up somewhere between us and the floor. Or other places.

I may have thought about this a time or two or three. Not just the sex, but about everything.

And I’ve brought it up to my cousin who doesn’t have any kids.  And she said, “Yeah, but after a couple days you’d think, ‘wow. My life is boring. Let’s have some kids’.”

Dammit.  She’s right.  Or at least that's how I'd think!  And even though my life NEVER seems to slow down and just when I think I can’t get any more stressed… the nightly cuddles and the good morning hugs are so, so sweet and proof that my parenting journey is pretty amazing.

But it’s fantastically awesome to dream sometimes, though.  

[In all seriousness]  Kids aren't for everyone.  And I praise those who realize that!  I seriously, seriously do!!

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